First off — It’s great that you are even asking this question. It shows you are being thoughtful about your boundaries and what feels right for you. When it comes to sharing a diagnosis, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. It really depends on what makes you feel comfortable and safe.

First dates are usually about getting to know someone at a pace that feels right for both people. If you feel like your diagnosis is an important part of who you are and something that could effect how you connect with them, you might choose to share it sooner rather than later. On the other hand, if you want to see how things develop first, that is totally okay too!

It is important to consider how you feel about this person and if you believe they would be understanding and supportive. Remember, you don’t owe them any information until you are ready to share it. Lets explore some reasons why it might be helpful, and ways it could be unhelpful so you can make the best decision for you.

Reasons it could be helpful to share:

Increased Understanding: Sharing your diagnosis may help your partner better understand your behavior or needs. This may also reduce misunderstandings that could occur and lead to an environment that feels a bit safer.
Building Trust: Being open about your diagnosis from the beginning can foster trust and honesty. Sharing a diagnosis is a vulnerable thing to do. If your partner welcomes it with open arms, you have a green flag to add to your list.
Support: Dating often means meeting new people or exploring new environments. You may find yourself in a spot where you aren’t feeling comfortable, or feel pressure to mask your symptoms. By telling your partner how your diagnosis effects you, they can help when navigating tricky situations.
Reducing Anxiety: Feeling like you have to hide a part of you is never an easy thing to sit with. Sharing may decrease anxiety and make you feel like you can be yourself without worrying you will be “found out”.

Reasons it could be unhelpful to share:

Premature Disclosure: Sharing too early might feel uncomfortable for you or your partner, especially when you are still getting to know each other and are not sure of how the other person typically responds or reacts to new information. This may be especially important for those with a C-PTSD diagnosis. Sharing too much too soon can overwhelm both you and your partner. Remember you don’t have to share everything at once. It’s okay to say something like, “I’ve had some difficult experiences that I’ll share when I’m ready.”
Misunderstanding or stigma: The person you are with may not fully understand neurodiversity or might have misconceptions that can lead to stigma or awkwardness.
Pressure to Educate: You may feel a burden to explain or educate your partner around your diagnosis if they are unaware. This can feel nice and validating for some people, and exhausting for others. Try to reflect on what would feel best for you.
Risk of Rejection: Let’s be real, some people may react negatively or be overwhelmed by the conversation. Sharing and getting a rejection can help you weed out the people who aren’t right for you in the long run, but can also be really hurtful in the moment.
Loss of Control: Sharing this information early on may lead to situations where you feel your diagnosis becomes the focus and not the other parts of you. If this happens, don’t be afraid to remind your partner that while your diagnosis may be a big part of who you are, it isn’t ALL of who you are.

Remember that this is your journey, and you are in total control of who, how and when this information is shared. You’ve got this.

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